Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo of your zodiac sign? What will it look like and what does it mean? Don't do it until you read this.
13: Aries, the Ram. All you have to do is take one look at the symbol for this sign and the case for its existence should be permanently closed; two round orbs with a stick dangling between them. Nothing asks the question "Where's the beef" more than this Freudian slip, that is, unless you are in fact looking for the beef.
12: Taurus, the Bull. What better design to shows the raw strength and virility of the mightiest of all studs, the bull; how about a half of a circle resting above a full one. The best that can be said about this is that the creator started to draw something similar to the Ram, thought better halfway through, and lost interest.
11: Gemini, the Twins. Creativity reached an all time low when the crafters of this sign hit the imagination wall and settled for the Roman numeral two. Twins=two. Brilliant! Unless you are content with being #2 or don't mind being asked "two what?" all the time, steer clear of this zodiac tattoo.
10: Cancer, the Crab. This Zodiac sign is a disaster full of punch lines waiting to happen on its own, but the designers instead chose to beat the phallic train one more time in this erect, mirrored imaged, side shot version of the Ram, that could have easily been called "Cancer, the dueling penises". Not sure what was up with the architects of this zodiac sign besides the obvious, but expect a flood of jokes as you try to explain this choice.
9: Leo, the Lion. What could you possibly pick to represent the mighty king of the jungle, the quintessential image of strength and courage, the guardian of all God's creatures? How about a silhouette of Doris Day's hairdo?
8: Virgo, the Virgin. What do the New York Yankees and the zodiac sign for Virgos have in common? They both share the same logo, so unless you are a Yankee fan, a virgin, or both, this design may make you appear a little disingenuous and cause problems when visiting Boston.
7: Libra, the Scales. Just when you thought the designers of the zodiac signs were straying from their anatomical fixation, along comes Libra and the first recorded horizontal drawing of the gravity defying breast implant. What else could it be?
6: Scorpio, the Scorpion. Scorpios are independent, dynamic, very deep and intense, truly one of a kind. What image best portrays their uniqueness and forceful unpredictably, and proclaims to the world that they're proud Scorpions? Why not the letter "M"?
5: Sagittarius, the Archer. The lamest of all the zodiac signs, this design is just plain weak. A stick figure arrow pointing to nowhere, with a line drawn through it as if they scraping it and moving on to another try, only to forgot and never come back to it.
4: Capricorn, the Goat. LSD was thought to have first been synthesized in 1938 by Albert Hoffman. History was evidently wrong, confirmed after just one gander at this zodiac sign, and if this mishmash of lines makes any sense to you at all, you are obviously also high.
3: Aquarius, the Water Carrier. Almost prophetic, this attempt falls one w and a dot short of the abbreviation for World Wide Web.
2: Pisces, the Fish. After discovering hallucinogens and outgrowing their adolescent fixation with genitalia, the founders of the zodiac signs drop acid, travel ahead in time, and steel the logo of a major corporation to complete the twelve signs of the zodiac in their typical weak fashion.
1: And the #1 reason why you should avoid a zodiac tattoo design. You share that design with over 500,000 others, and besides, you could do better on your own.
You can find Noel Christian at http://www.angelhearttattoo.com helping people avoid zodiac tattoos and make better informed tattoo decisions.
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